Saturday, 15 March 2014

Goodbye...again

Isaac is now almost 14 months old and has started walking. He doesn't want you to hold his hand, block him or restrain him from going anywhere no matter how dangerous it may be. He always tries to escape to our backyard and loves playing with soil, stones and leaves. I guess it is good that he enjoys exploring but it is very tiring on my end because I have to make sure he doesn't destroy my plants or fall and hurt himself. Although, after a few falls, he has now learnt to use his hands to protect his face from hitting the ground. Today, we went out for dinner and all he wanted to do was walk around. He didn't want to eat or stay in his high chair or even be carried! This is why all I said in my last post was tired, tired, tired.

Anyway, this post is not about Isaac. My parents have been here for the last six weeks. I have thoroughly enjoyed their company and help with everything. Unfortunately it is time for them to return to Malaysia again. I have done this so many times and I thought it would get easier but it has actually gotten harder over time. My parents are getting older and I wish I was physically closer to them to help and provide them with some company. Instead, I am far away and they are missing out on some of their grandson's developmental milestones. I don't know how my other migrant friends do it. They keep saying Australia is a better place to live in and seem to be ok with the goodbyes and being apart from family. I really don't get it.

It doesn't help that every time I think about home, I often only remember the happy bits and wish I could move back. But my memory seems to have forgotten how bad my work experiences were, the traffic jams I battled everyday, the stress of trying to find a parking lot and how congested shopping malls are. My Malaysian friends living in Aus tell me that Malaysia has changed and it is no longer the Malaysia we so fondly remember. Has it really changed or perhaps we have changed.

Sometimes I feel imprisoned or stuck because my husband and son are both Aus citizens. I recently
found out there is a visa my husband could apply for which allows him to live and work in Malaysia but I have also heard that it is tedious and the Malaysian gov makes you renew it very frequently.

Anyhow this is the same rant I go on every time goodbyes come around. I...I...I am tired.

Goodbye mummy and daddy. Have a safe flight home. Will miss you both:(

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Seeing life through different lenses

I remember when I was 12 years old, I wished I was 15. When I was 15, I wished I was 18. Now that I am in my late twenties, I sometimes wish I was 12 again! As a 12 year old, life seemed so exciting. Going out for the first time without your parents, meeting guys, buying your own clothes, dressing up. It must be a parent's nightmare to let their little baby go. But for a teen, life is just beginning. 

It's funny how some memories come back to you all of a sudden. I remember there was this shopping mall that my friends and I used to go to. As usual, the cinemas were on the top floor. The usual past time those days was watching movies. At that age and through my teen years, that was always the main event whenever we went out. A movie ticket used to only be RM9 and it was air conditioned and comfortable. Plus, at that age, apart from studying, there was nothing else to worry about. I remember sometimes I would watch the same movie twice because I went out with two different groups of friends who wanted to watch the same movie! Anyway, back to the shopping mall. There was this set of escalators that took you up to where the cinema was and that was where the meeting point was. I would normally go to the mall with a few close friends and sometimes we would meet other friends there..sometimes there were friends of friends. I remember feeling nervous every time I got on that escalator because those who were waiting would look down to see who was coming up the escalator. Sometimes there were guys and I would feel so self conscious of how I looked and what I was wearing. I probably looked confident on the outside but wasn't really on the inside. I remember asking my mum how she could feel so comfortable with my dad because I was often quite embarrassed if I were to meet a guy. 

Leaving school and then going to college was another exciting adventure. After having to iron my school uniforms and wash my school shoes for years, finally all that would be swapped for casual clothes and jeans. You could colour your hair and wear and do anything you wanted to. Studying in English was so much fun and we had cool lecturers who were funny and made classes interesting to go to. Plus I was studying Psychology. College was way too fun and cool. 

I'm not writing this just to reminisce about my life but I find it interesting that at different stages in life, you see things differently. At 12, life was about you and your friends. You love your parents but kind of wish the boundaries were a little bit more flexible. At 18, the boundaries are loosen and you slowly find your independence. Life is so exciting with so many new things to discover. Of course, you start to understand and feel the weight of responsibilities as you take charge of yourself especially if you are living away from home. Now in my late twenties, it feels like I lack that enthusiasm for life as compared to when I was 12 or 18. I have been there, done that. I have total freedom and independence but responsibilities now rest heavily on my shoulders. I now start to see things how my parents did. I find myself walking in their shoes. I know that there is so much more to discover about this life and so many exciting things to do and see but these are all external things that would probably only bring temporal satisfaction. I am seeking something with a higher purpose that can bring fulfillment not just to my family and myself but one that will leave an impact on people and future generations. I know there is a calling that God has placed on my life and I need to earnestly seek Him so that I can travel down that path. My own selfish ambitions have only brought so little satisfaction to my life. It is time for me to open my ears, eyes and take a leap of faith. A life of faith, now that is what I call exciting! 

Jeremiah 17:7-8

New Living Translation (NLT)

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
    and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
 
They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
    with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
    or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
    and they never stop producing fruit.

Monday, 3 February 2014

New Year's Resolutions

In the last few years, I haven't taken the time to make any new year's resolutions. I guess it is because I often make them for the sake of making them and then not fulfill them because I can't find any use for them. For example, I used to say I would like to learn to speak mandarin but never got around to really doing any serious learning because I never found a need to use it.  Perhaps if I booked a trip to China, then I would be more motivated to do some serious learning. 

This year I have decided to make a few new year's resolutions. I guess it has been a while since I challenged myself to learn a new skill. You learn many skills growing up such as riding a bicycle, playing badminton, tennis, swimming, pushing yourself academically, etc. However, ever since graduating, I have been using and improving on skills I already possess..not learning anything new. So this year, I am going to challenge myself to learn something new. Perhaps learning to crochet. Lots of people do it and enjoy it so I think it would be fun to give it a go. Time to get myself some tools!

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Isaac's first birthday

We celebrated Isaac's first birthday on 18 January, a week earlier than his actual birthday (25 Jan) because Ken's parents were here and people were going away on the Australia day weekend. I guess his future birthday parties might be the same as well since his birthday is one day before Australia day. 

I usually cater food when we hold parties. Cooking is just too much of a hassle and sometimes the unexpected could happen. However, this time around, since we were holding an afternoon tea, we figured the food prep should be simpler and quicker. Unfortunately, it was still pretty stressful. I think I will just stick to my original idea of catering for the next party. 

I don't think Isaac knew it was his birthday party but he was in a pretty good mood throughout. Ken's mum was great and helped so much with the food and looking after Isaac. She even put him down for a nap while I was busy with everything else. 

Anyway, had a good time overall and Isaac got some really cool pressies!