Saturday, 5 July 2014

When life doesn't go your way

I can't believe I am writing this post so soon after announcing that we are expecting our second one. Unfortunately there will not be a second baby. When I found out that the baby's heart beat had stopped beating and stopped growing, I was shocked and devastated. I was in my second trimester which is meant to be the 'honeymoon' period where you do all your shopping and enjoy seeing your tummy grow. It is meant to be a time where the the chances of a miscarriage drop dramatically.

When I had Isaac I didn't know what it was like to love your own child. After he was born, it took time to bond with him and over time I experienced what it is like to love your own child. It is an indescribable feeling and one that a child may never understand until he/she becomes a parent. When I found out I was pregnant with my second one, I fell in love with him/her very quickly because I knew what it meant to love your own child. I imagined all the things I would do differently with this one that I didn't do so well when I was a first time mother. However having had a very easy and straightforward first pregnancy, I took this one more lightly as well. I was still careful and did the things I was supposed to do but I guess I thought I was superwoman and didn't rest as much as I should have. I guess I was also in a state of life where there is so much to do such as looking after a toddler and the mess he makes. I also went back to work.

Nevertheless we will never know the cause of this tragedy. We can only rest in the assurance that our baby has gone to heaven to be with the Lord. I am forever grateful that at least I have one little Isaac and perhaps more in the future :)

Sunday, 29 June 2014

How do people do it?

With our second child on the way, we have been thinking about getting a bigger place. However we have decided not to take such a big step so soon and try to make do with what we have at present.

Every week or so, the real estate magazine gets dropped off in our mailbox. I look at all the beautiful properties that are up for sale and wonder how people could afford such properties. I guess some people earn more and have more spending power. Others probably just take on a bigger debt and take time to slowly pay it off.

Every time I look at the properties in the magazine, I just wish we could own one of them! I really wonder how people can afford them.

Saturday, 28 June 2014

Sick + winter = house bound + toddler = bored + stressed

The formula above pretty much sums up how my week has been. It has been cold, windy and wet which has made it very uncomfortable to go out. Isaac loves going out to our backyard but because of the weather, he/we have been inside pretty much the whole day. I feel so bored being stuck at home and I'm sure Isaac feels the same way too. At times like this, I think about home...Malaysia...where we would go out to eat all the time, go to the padang (field) opposite my house and spend time chatting with my family.

Winter is so depressing but it is worst when you are down with the cold. Sobs.. I have been trying to fight off the cold and an awful dry cough. But it seems to be hanging around and I'm wondering whether it's because I am pregnant. When you're pregnant, your immune system is weakened and you are more susceptible to falling sick.

Of course there are plenty of things to entertain yourself with while at home. I have books that I have been wanting to read, videos to watch, recipes to try out, etc. But my priority is not to keep myself entertained but to keep the toddler, who has a very short attention span and a very inquisitive mind, entertained. I would come up with these ideas and stuff for him to do and after 10 minutes, he wants to do something else. So I am constantly on the look out for new ideas to keep my little one entertained! I need to remind myself to take care of myself and to do something rewarding for myself. So here I am writing my thoughts down :)

Monday, 23 June 2014

Here we go again!

So the news is officially out that we are expecting baby no.2! I am currently 16 weeks pregnant.

The first trimester was really tough as the morning sickness was worst than when I was pregnant with Isaac. I would wake up around 3am every morning feeling sick, nauseous and dizzy. I had to refrain from spicy foods to try to reduce the symptoms but regardless I still felt really ill in the middle of the night. Thankfully the morning sickness has subsided. At present, I feel tired easily and am always hungry but it is still bearable. Even though I don't really have an obvious baby bump yet, it is quite uncomfortable to sleep through the night without having to go to the toilet or change sleeping positions a number of times.

We are looking forward to the arrival of our second one early in December :) 

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Back to work

This is my last week as a full-time stay at home mum *sobbbssssssssss*

Why oh why do we have to work..... :(

Sorry, this is not meant to be a rant.

Going back to work is such an emotional decision to make. There are days where I miss being at work, meeting people, going out for lunch with my colleagues and shopping in the city. But there are also days where I just love being at home with my baby boy. I am not much of a risk-taker and I always enjoy the safety of being at home. Work can be challenging and some days are just bad days. I have had tiring days, exhausting days being at home with a toddler but sometimes you meet people with very undesirable traits at work and have to deal with them.

I must admit that as my first day at work draws nearer, I am feeling rather anxious. Going back to sitting at a desk, answering phone calls, going for meetings. I have become so used to enjoying snacks and tea breaks any time I want to. Having naps when Isaac naps. I don't know how to get through a day without an arvo nap now. I have also changed my working hours so I can come home in time to pick up Isaac from childcare. It will be a very early start for me and quite a rush to catch the train at the end of the day. I am so thankful that my manager has agreed for me to return to work part-time for a few months as I transition back. It would be a total shock if I had to go back 5 days straight. Don't know how mothers cope with that elsewhere.

Albeit all that, I am looking forward to this new chapter in my life :)